Animal Control《动物管制官（2023）》第二季第六集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

非常感谢你们能来Thankyousomuchforcoming.我们找了这位神奇唐纳德来做中场表演WehadtheAmazingDonaldperformingbetweenperiods结果他的兔子跑了andhisrabbitgotaway.哦这位唐纳德是老熟人了Oh,weareveryfamiliarwithAD.恭喜你指控被撤销rCongratsonthechargesbeingdropped.上个月他在一次公♥司♥活动H丢了200只鸽子Helost200pigeonsatacorporateeventlastmonth.赶紧的把那只兔子从冰上弄走Comeon!Getthatbunnyofftheice!观众开始躁动了Oh,thecrowd'sgettingrestless.好吧我们开始吧施莱德Alright.1.et,sdothis,Shred.好的-好吧Ok-Ok.我们是好人啊We'rethegoodguys!不要激怒他们他们是冰球迷Don'tengagethem.They'rehockeyfans.他们会朝你扔东西的比如他们的孩子They'llstartthrowingStUffliketheirbabies.坚持住坚持住Holdon,holdon.嘿抓住他Hey!Gethim!直到了不好意思Okay,excuseme.能给我一根棍子吗CanIgetastick?好吧好了好了Okay.Herewego.好好了Ok.Herewego.0k.0k.我来了我来了mcoming.HereIcome.你可以的Yougotit!你可以的弗兰克Yougotit,Frank.别紧张放轻松跳进网里去吧小兔子Niceandeasy.Justhopinthere,bunny.我想我刚刚发明了一项新的运动1thinkIjustinventedanewsport.耶Yeah!伙让你的相亲资料太惹火了弗兰克Man,yourdatingprofileisfire,Frank.看看你做园艺的那张照片1.ookatthatpictureofyougardening.我甚至不知道那是什么蔬菜Idon'tevenknowwhatvegetablethatis.这是防风草It'saparsnip.你应该熟悉一下自己Andyoushouldprobablyfamiliarizeyourself知识范围内的动植物withorganismsonyourintellectualwavelength.如果不是认识你本人我还会觉得你是假的呢IfIdidn'tknowyouwererealdthinkyou'refake.穿制♥服♥的男人救小猫还搞社区花♥园♥身高2米1Maninuniformsavingkittens,communitygarden,6,4".两周前艾希莉和我匹配上后AshleyandIhavebeenmessagingnon-stop我们就一直在不停地互发信息sincewematchedtwoweeksago.能了解别人不是最好吗Isn'tgettingtoknowpeoplethebest?但感觉很奇怪因为现在我对她了解得太多了Butit,sweirdbecauseInowknowsomuchabouther.我甚至帮她挑了块毯子1helpedherpickoutarug.我们几乎是无话不谈Imean,wetalkabouteverything但就是不聊奔现exceptforgoingonanactualdate.现在的约会就是这样That'showdatingisnow.所以婴儿出生率一直在下降It,swhythebirthrateisdeclining.不我要加快速度我要打电♥话♥给她No.mgonnaspeedthingsup.mgonnacallher.这是个错误这年头没人打电♥话♥That'samistake.Nobodycalls.好吧如果没人这么做为什么应用上会Well,whywouldtherebeacallbuttonontheapp有通话按钮呢ifnobodydoesthat?12号♥车呼叫支援Truck12callingforback-up.弗兰克想直接给约会软件上认识的女士打电♥话♥FrankistryingtocallaIadyoutoftheblueonadatingapp.8号♥车响应Truck8responding.别这样没人会这么做好诡异Don'tdothat.Nobodydoesthat.It'sweird.我偏要打mcalling.静待好戏Standingby.喂Hello?嘿艾希莉我是弗兰克Ohhey,Ashley,it'sFrank.好吧Ok.我知道我们互发了很多信息Iknowthat,um,we,vebeenmessagingalot,但我觉得咱们可以真正的坐下来谈谈butIthoughtthatuh,wecouldactuallytalk.我是这么想的你还好吗Andhere'smetalking.Howareyou?说实话有点不舒服Tobehonest,alittleuncomfortable.哦这可不太好Ooh,that'snotgood.弗兰克注意你的视频角度Frank,watchyourangle.从那么低的角度看你就剩脖子了好了Fromthatlowyou'reallneck.Thereyougo.想找个时间一起吃晚饭如何Uh,doyouwanttogotodinnersometime?电♥话♥掉线了Thecalldropped.真是一场愉快的相亲事故Oh,thatwasadelightfultrainwreck.喜大普奔啊Delightful.他们是怎么找到我的Howdidtheyfindme?不可能Noway.不又是那个暗恋你的神秘人送的礼物吗No.Anothergiftfromyoursecretadmirer?是的这是布鲁米Yes,Blummies.什么Awhat?太疯狂了我不知道他们是怎么找到这些的Whichiscrazy,Idon'tknowhowtheyfoundthese.什么是布鲁米WhatareBlummies?从来没有在新西兰以外的地方流行过NevercaughtonoutsideNewZealand.这里居然有大一堆There'ssomanyofthem.你们想拿一包吗Imean,doyouguyswantapack?我带一些回家吧瑞克是个喜欢踩雷的吃货I'lltakesomehome.Rick'sanadventurouseater.他曾经吃过过期两天的酸奶Heonceateyogurtthathadbeenexpiredfortwodays.嗯真疯狂Mmhmm,crazy.等等这上面说暗恋我的神秘人终于准备好Holdon,thissaysthatmysecretadmirerisfinallyready明天早上9点现身了torevealthemselvestomorrowmorningat9:00.你不是真的打算让自己You'renotactuallyintothiswalking,talking,变成今日说法上的受害者吧futuretruecrimepodcast,areyou?他们真的很努力Well,they,rereallytrying.而且没有在约会软件上Andnotinacreepy,calling-out-of-the-blue一打那种突如其来的诡异电♥话♥没错onadatingappkindofway.-True.是啊从神秘地点送血糖来才叫Yeah,it'snotcreepyatalltosendblood-basedcandies一点也不诡异呢fromanundisclosedlocation.这简直是敲诈勒索That'sextortion!施莱德快过来Shred,getoverhere!我们卖♥♥♥房♥♥人计要泡汤了Ourhouseflipisabouttoflop.承包商的报价来了他们要1万美元Thebidfromthecontractorcamein.It's$10,000.就是个Forasimplepaintandcarpetjob?简单的刷个漆和换地毯要1万Forasimplepaintandcarpetjob!好吧你被淘汰了格雷格Ok,you'reout,Greg.采取日计划回见了您帕特尔发送GoingwithplanB.Seeya.Patel.Send.好吧也许我们装个侧滑栏杆Ok,wellweprobablyshould'vehadaquicksidebar.但没关系B计划是什么Butit,scool.What'splanB?B计划是我们自己动手Uh,planBiswedoitourselves.好耶Hellyeah.行吧Right?我们有这个本事吗Arewecapableofthat?我们不仅有这个本事而且零成本Notonlyarewecapable,wecostzerodollars.好吧我再耶一次好耶Ok,thenyetagain,hellyeah!不好意思Sorry.我认识一个在车管所工作的人Um,hey.SoIknowsomeonethatworksattheDMV.没人喜欢吹牛大王Oh,noonelikesabraggart.她查r下丢F科莫多巨蜥Sherantheplatesonthecarthatdroppedoff那辆车的车牌结果没有匹配theKomododragon,nohits.那么用的假车牌等等这什么意思Oh.So,fakeplates?Wait,what'sthat?0有道理也许是辆赃车GoodpointMaybeastolencar.这也是她的想法所以她会继续查的That'swhatshethinks,soshe'sgonnakeepdigging如果她有什么发现会告诉我的andletmeknowifshefindsoutanythingelse.好的Ok.内个电♥话♥的事我听说了So.Iheardaboutthecall.是的我用了自己电♥话♥通讯设备Yeah,Iusedmyphonecallingdevice给某人打个电♥话♥tomakeanactualcalltoaperson.我真是个怪胎WhataweirdoIam.对不起网恋太烂了Sorry,onlinedatingsucks.是啊简直就是人格障碍的噩梦Yeah.It,sahellscapeofpersonalitydisorders.我不知道为什么自己就不能在现实生活中遇到喜欢的人Idon'tknowwhyIcan'tjustmeetsomeoneinreallife.完全理解Totally.就没个朋友介绍什么的对吧Throughafriendorsomething,right?没错Right.那样你就能找到一个合适的人Imean,thatwayyoucouldfindsomebodycompatible可能还有机会发展一段真正的感情andpossiblyhaveashotatanactualrelationship.没错因为真正的约会是最糟糕的Exactly,causeactualdatingistheworst.是啊那是最糟糕的Yeah.It'stheworst.-Mmhmm.你心里有合适的人选吗1mean,doyouhavesomebodyinmindorwhatever?我真的不在乎随便了Ireallydon'tcare.whatever.等等你是在要我Wait,areyou-areyouactuallyaskingme给你介绍对象吗tosetyouupwithsomebody?拜托我2米1的大个儿我才不需要别人介绍Please,m6'411.Idon'tneedhelpdating.你有合适的人选吗Doyouhavesomebodyinmindorwhatever?我真的不在乎随便了Ireallydon'tcare.whatever.等等你到底是要我介绍还是不要我介绍Wait,doyounotwantmyhelpordoyouwantmyhelp?因为我心里已经有人选了'CauseIactuallyhavesomeoneinmind.她是什么样的人What'sshelike?好吧我记不清了我要打电♥话♥给瑞克Ok,mconfusedsomjustgonnacallRick嘿你好呀大长腿Heythere,longlegs.嘿瑞克弗兰克也在开着免提呢HeyRick,you'reonspeakerphonewithFrank.你好吗伙计What'sup,myman?嗯你觉得蒂芙尼和弗兰克般配吗Um,sowhatdoyouthinkaboutTiffanyforFrank?不错啊弗兰克她很棒Uh,Iloveit.Frank,she'sgreat.她是个理疗师She'saphysicaltherapist.她还喜欢园艺Andshe'salsointogardening所以你们有共同点soyouhavethatincommon.哦太棒了Oh,great.不是说这点不重要哈但是Andnotthatthismattersintheleast,but.她的长得怎么样howwouldyoudescribeherlooks?把免提关了Takemeoffspeaker.好吧Ok.给你Here.我从了min.我希望他喜欢蒂芙尼IhopehelikesTiffany.他肯定会的她很棒Oh,msurehewill,she'sgreat.他们要是在一起肯定会像我们样Andtheyhavetolikeusasacouple,too.是啊我们要他们参加游戏之夜Yeah,weneed'emforgamenight.我觉得弗兰克和蒂芙尼真的很般配IjustthinkFrankandTiffanywouldbeperfecttogether.你觉得他们会和我们起去摘苹果吗Doyouthinktheywouldgoapplepickingwithus?一想到这我就汗流;夹背了mgettingsweatyjustthinkingaboutit.等等你看起来不太好啊Wait,yeah,youdon't-youdon'tlooksogreat.怎么了Oh,what's-what'shappening?哦我想我血软糖吃太多了Oh.IthinkIoverdiditontheBlummies.一哦好吧一把袋了给我Oh,ok.-Givemethatbag.什么什么袋子根本就没有袋子Uh,what-whatbag?Thereisnobag!等等你想要这个吗Wait,doyouwantthis?什么都行比如收据或者Justlikeanything,likeareceiptor.别发出这种声音了因为我听见了也会吐的Stopdoingthat'causemasympatheticvomiter.涌上来了It'sclimbing.弗兰克嘿Oh,Frank,hey.很抱歉瑞克其实还在停车场msosorry,Um,Rick,sactuallyintheparkinglot.他吃血糖吃太多了Heoverdiditwiththebloodcandies他现在是上吐下泻andhe,snowsneezingdiarrhea,所以我们得去洗车urn,soweneedtogotoacarwash可能还需要紧急就医andthenprobablyanurgentcare.大家都听到了现在所有人都倒胃凹了Everyoneheard.Noone,seatingnow.好吧但是我Right.Ok,um,butI-好吧嘿蒂芙尼这是弗兰克Oh,okay.HeyTiffanythisisFrank.你好一弗兰克我是蒂芙尼Hi.-Frank,Tiffany.一很高兴认识你一很高兴认识你Nicetomeetyou.-Nicetomeetyou.但我感觉以前见过你ButIfeellikeveseenyoubefore.你在安妮女王社区花♥园♥做过园艺吗DoyougardenattheQueenAnncommunitygarden?去过啊你是14B号♥地吗1do.Areyouplot14B?是的那你是14A对吧Yes,andyouare14A,right?没错Iam,yeah.你种的小白菜很棒啊Youhaveallofthatamazingbokchoy.这要归功于我们每年Gottagivecredittothe200days有200天的降雨量ofannualrainfallthatweget.而你的雪豌豆你不会相信的艾米丽Butyoursnowpeas,you-youwouldn'tbelievethem,Emily.简直完美They'reperfect.瑞克一直在给我发短♥信♥Um.uh,Rickkeepstextingmeactually,他的短♥信♥越来越像胡言乱语了andhistextsaremakinglessandlesssense,我想他可能要神志不清了所以我得IthinkhemightbedelirioussoIum-走吧快走吧一我得走了Go,go.-Ihavetogo.走吧Go.真的很抱歉你俩没事的吧msosorry.Areyougonnabeok?一是的-是的Yes.-Yes.你让我们认识了彼此还给了我们一个很好的话题You'veintroducedusandgivenusquiteaconversationstarter.我问你个问题1.etmeaskyousomething.你进房&hearts间碰到的第一件东西是什么What,sthefirstthingyoutouchinaroom?11Door.晚上Atnight.电灯开关1.ightswitch.看看这些美女1.ookatthesebeauts.什么正宗的工匠风外观Whatthe.authenticcraftsmanstylelook?我就喜欢这种Ilikethesoundofthat.我的天啊还附带调光器Ohmygosh.Theyworkwithdimmers.伙计不是吧Dude.no.活像32盏灯合在一起了It'slikehaving32lightsinone.我们必须买♥♥对吧Wehaveto,right?哥们这根本不需要纠结Dude,it,sano-brainer.让整个餐厅焕然一新吧Givethewholediningroomafacelift.没错-就这样Yes!-Yes!哦上帝Ohgod.怎么啦怎么啦What?What?是格雷格就是我们炒掉的那个人It,sGreg.It,stheguywefired.不No.他过来了He,scomingoverhere.格雷格来了Greg'shere.什么也别说Don'tsayanything.我得说点什么mgonnasaysomething.格格雷格Gre-Greg.格雷格Greg?格雷格嘿伙计你在这干什么Greg.Heyman,what're-what,reyoudoingaroundhere?我是个综合承包商我每天都得来这儿mageneralcontractor.Icomehereeveryday.谁说不是呢Yeah,tellmeaboutit.没错Totally.好吧！Yeah.那么你最后选择谁来做这活儿呢So,who'dyouendupgoingwithforthejob?实际上我们决定自己动手Uh,weactually-wedecidedtotackleitourselves.你懂的Yougetit简单的刷漆和换地毯需要这么多扭扭糖吗1.otofRedVinesforasimplepaintandcarpetjob.我和好奇你觉得整个活儿用这些油漆Curious,doyouthinkthisisenoughpaint够了吗还是forthewholejob,or.?你们俩真是行家里手Youguysknowwhatyou'redoing.如果我说错了请纠正我石膏板能算墙吗Andcorrectmeifmwrongbutdrywallisjustwall?格雷格Greg?嘿瑞克还活着吗Ohhey.IsRickalive?是的他现在能好好补充体液了Uh,yeah.He'skeepingliquidsdown.昨晚的约会怎么样Um,howwasthedatelastnight?很好啊Prettygood.开胃菜打4分晚安亲亲打9分Igivetheappetizersafour,thegoodnightkissanine.我本来想打10分的但我们的牙齿碰了一下dgiveitafulltenbutweclankedteeth.好吧听起来蒂芙尼也很满意所以Ok,wellitsoundslikeTiffanyhadagoodtime,too,so等等她给你发过短♥信♥吗Wait,didshetextyou?事实上是我给她发r短♥信♥很随意问问结果如何Itextedher,actually.Verycasual,seehowitwent.她给这次的约会点了大大的赞Shegaveyourdateathumbsup.好吧我接受这次的好评Alright,wellIwillacceptthatravereview.等一下那个赞是表情符号♥还是一个单独的文字Waitaminute,uh,wasitanemojioratextonitsown还是对某条短♥信♥的反馈我可以看看吗orareactiontoatext?MayI?好吧Ok.所以这是对某条短♥信♥的反馈这说明结果不怎么好对吧Soitwasareactiontoatextwhichisnotasgood,right?不不她玩得很开心弗兰克No,no,shehadagoodtime,Frank.SATIC完全是你想要的效果Youreexactlywhereyouwannabe.SAn不并不是我讨厌约会Oh,no,mnot.Ihatedating.我想直接跳到两人日常追剧Ijustwannaskiptothepartwherewe,rebingewatching和体重狂增的部分tvshowsandgainingweight.如同一段感情吗1.ikearelationship?我不想给事物打标签Idon'twannaputlabelsonthings.就是那种你感到很满足而且两人一心一意专属彼此的It,sjustthatthingwhereyou'recontentandmonogamous那种关系andallthatcrap.我可以给她发短♥信♥提议第二次四人约会Icouldtexther,proposeaseconddoubledate,下班后怎么样maybeafterwork?干嘛非要四人约会啊Whatisgoingonwithyouanddoubledates?你跟你男朋友呆着去呗Justbealonewithyourboyfriend.你们之间已经没有故事了吗Haveyouguysrunoutofstories?这不是我的问题而是你找到对象Thisisnotaboutme,it'saboutyoufindingsomeone可以带到游戏之夜或者去苹果园的问题thatyoucan,youknow,bringtogamenightortheappleorchard.苹果采摘做萃果派Applepicking,makingappletarts.酷给她发短♥信♥吧太好了Cool.1.etstexther.Great.是吗好把Yeah7Ok.当然我是说苹果采摘就免了Sure.Imean,withouttheapplepicking.也许吧Maybe.去摘举果不赚钱反花钱Peoplegetpaidtopickapples.嘿蒂芙尼答应了我就说她喜欢你Hey,Tiffany'sin.Toldyoushelikesyou.太好了她说什么That'sgreat.Whatdidshesay?一个赞Thumbsup.Yeah.太好了Great.好了开始咯Ok,herewego.等等你们还专门设闹钟r吗Wait,didyouguysactuallysetalarms?噢是的Ohyeah.还有5分钟你就会见到你的梦中跟踪狂了T-minusfiveminutesuntilyoumeetthestalkerofyourdreams.我们在你的储物柜上找到了这个Wefoundthisonyourlocker.我想看的但有人不让我看Iwantedtoreaditbutsomebodywouldn'tletme.一切都将在Allwillberevealedinthe-多功能厅揭晓是的我偷看了一眼inthemulti-purposeroom.Yeah,Ididtakeapeek.你马上要在我们给猫驱虫的房♥间里Awe,yougettomeetyouronetrueloveintheroom见到真爱wherewede-wormcats.好吧接下来交给我吧Ok,Iwilltakeitfromhere.太棒了Awesome.不如我们都去围观吧1 thinkweshouldalljusttakeit.我觉得这是我的私事1.1. Ithinkthis.thisisamething.我是说Well,Imean.我觉得也是我们的事-是啊我得去啊1 feellikeawe.wething.-Yeah,I'llgo.这可能会非常浪漫Thishasthepotentialtobeveryromantic.是啊会很浪漫Oh,yes,romantic.一旦这个人从闯进你的储物柜Oncethispersongoesfrombreakingintoyourlocker演变成闯入你家你肯定会激动得晕倒的tobreakingintoyourhomeyou'llbepositivelyswooning.好了闭嘴Ok,shutup.我试着对不同的事物mtryingtobeopentothepossibility尽可能性保持开放态度ofsomethingdifferent-我也愿意给这个人一个机会Andmwillingtogivethispersonachance只要他超过18岁不能老于aslongasthey'reover18andunder.超过18岁就行Aslongasthey'reover18.好吧Yeah.维多利亚OhVictoria!我就知道是那个送水男Iknewitwaswaterguy!我的天啊我能应付得来Ohmygod,yeah.Icanworkwiththis.嗨Hi.借过Pardonme.生日快乐Happybirthday,Iguess.是的谢谢你Yes,thankyou.所以不是性感的送水男Soit'snotsexywaterguy?是啊那是谁呢Yeah,sowhoisit,then?啊他来了好吧Ah,thereheis.Ok.这是恶作剧干得好弗兰克Thisisaprank.Welldone,Frank.不不是我♥干♥的Oh,no,Ididn'tdothis.当然是邓普顿OfcourseitwasTempleton.真的是你最最想不到的人1.iterallythelastpersonthatyouwouldthinkitwouldbe.真是惊天大反转Thisisatwist.我让人力资待命了IgotHRonhold.-Uh-huh.以防事态进一步升级.justincasethisescalates.-Mmhmm.但我也得录个视频因为这太狗血了Butalsomrecordingthisbecausethisistoomuch.好吧Yeah.我们听不见你说什么Wecan'thearyouoverhere.声音大一点Justturnitupjustalittle.我说我觉得应该只有我们两个人IsaidIthoughtitwouldbethetwoofus,但我已经坚持到这里了所以我想知道butvecomethisfarsomwonderingi£作为你以前的暗恋者asyourformersecretadmirer,我是否可以在约会时公开爱慕你Icouldopenlyadmireyouonadate.你说过愿意接受任何人Yousaidyou'dbeopentoanyone.不用了谢谢Nothankyou.花了我三个月时间和3500美元Ah,wellthatwasthreemonthsand$3,500看来终究还是错付了thatwasnotspentwisely?好吧从我们角度来看Oh,well,fromwherewe'restanding这钱真的没白花itwaswortheverypenny.好吧在一个人最低落的时刻Alright,wellyoucantellaman'scharacter你才能看出他的本性byhowhereactsonhisdarkestmoment所以我要安静的离开做正确的事somgoingtojustleaveanddotherightthing.好吧Ok.好的各位Ok,everybody.你有个Youhavea.什么味道What,sthatsmell?天啊闻起来像烧焦的黑驴蹄子Ohgod,itsmellslikeburninghooves.是啊Yeah.有人害死了我唯一爱过的东西Somebodyhaskilledtheonlythingveeverloved.血软糖Blummies.邓普顿Templeton.我的宝贝被糊住了Theyjammedmyboy.我的宝贝被糊住了Theyjammedmyboy!哦天哪Ohboy.你让这个恶魔进入了我们的家Youbroughtthisevilintoourhouse.等等好吗别让我背锅啊Woah,back,ok?Donotturnthisaroundonme.一个男人想约我Amanaskedmeout.我拒绝了然后呢我活该被整吗Isaidnoand,what,Ideservevengeance?我就说说哈Andmjustputtingthisoutthere,也可能是瑞克他也喜欢吃软糖itcouldhavebeenRick.HealsolikesBlummies.SEATTU不这就是邓普顿式的小肚鸡肠Nope.ThisisTempletonlevelofpetty.是他干的Hedidthis.我们还在嘲笑他的时候他可能已经下毒手了Heprobablydiditwhilewewerestilllaughingathim.他从不抱怨Henevercomplained,不管我在他体内放了什么nomatterwhatIputinsidehim.什么What?措辞真的很硬弗兰克That'stoughwording,Frank.酸奶时间到Yogurttime.我回头再来mgonnacomeback,ok.干杯一干杯Cheers!-Cheers!酒不错Thatisgood.-Mmhmm.很高兴我们要了一整瓶Gladwegotthebottle.没错玩一把不省人事没有比这更Yeah,itreallyisthemostsophisticatedway最好的办法了togethammered.冷静点亲爱的Becool,mydear.我很冷静mcool.你们的沙拉来了Ihaveyoursaladshere.我们好像没点沙拉Oh,Idon'tbelieveweorderedsalads.实际上