IntheKnow《木偶新知（2024）》第一季第二集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

木偶新知爱德华R默罗：广播和电视新闻业的开山宗师进行了广播史上第一次“现场直播”芬恩沃尔夫哈德：怪奇物语男主分类广♥告♥网站上常有虚假诈骗广&hearts浩♥纳洛酮：吗♥啡♥受体拮抗剂口服无效主要用于阿片类药物过量中毒或用于阿片药成瘾的诊断（11美元捐赠）诺拉琼斯：美国歌♥手、演员出演过王家卫执导的蓝莓之夜坦雅哈丁：成绩优异的花滑运动员成长过程相当不幸她的前夫曾在她收到死亡威胁后雇凶袭击她的花滑对手她被终身禁赛退出花滑之后她成为了一名职业举击手（付费广♥告♥）（八万五）詹姆斯厄尔琼斯：最成功的黑人演员之一星球大战系列达斯维德的配音哈里森福特：夺宝奇兵中印第安纳琼斯的扮演者诺拉琼斯的爸爸是拉维香卡甲壳虫乐队著名吉他手乔治哈里森的恩师但诺拉琼斯由母亲独自抚养长大各位公务员Myfellowpublicservants,我站在你们面前肩负着重大的责任Istandherebeforeyouwithgreatresponsibility.有些人会说我要求你们做的事情是不可能的Somewillsaythatwhatmaskingyoutodo但对他们我只会说isimpossible,buttothem,Isay抱歉我用语不得体呸Andpardonmylanguage-Phooey.这是属于我们的日子属于我们的时刻Thisisourday,ourhour,ourmoment我们要迎难而上（抓住公牛的角）tograbthebullbyitshorns.然后当然我们会轻轻地放了他Andlater,ofcourse,gentlysethimfree.我们需要在六小时内筹到六万美元Weneedtoraise$60,000insixhours.我需要你们每一个人都站出来Ineedeachandeveryoneofyoutostepup.让他滚蛋拯救新知Damntheman.Save"IntheKnow."今天就是募捐日It'spledgedriveday!太棒了今天属于谁Fuckyeah!Whosehouse?属于我们Ourhouse!我说属谁Isaid,whosehouse?没事的It,sfine.我有一种感觉这将是我们Ihaveafeelingthisisgoingtobe迄今为止最成功的募捐活动ourmostsuccessfulpledgedriveyet.芭布你可能满足于做晚期资本主义Barb,youmightbecontentasahamster车轮上的一只仓鼠inthewheeloflatecapitalism.但我拒绝把我们的听众ButIrefusetotreatourlisteners当韭菜割likeudderstobesqueezed.橘子Orange.没关系因为在你的介绍之后That'sfine,becauseafteryourintroduction,费比安将会主持广播Fabianwilltakeoveronair.你那中间偏左翼的资产阶级脑袋坏掉了吗Haveyoulostyourcenter-leftbourgeoismind?费比安不是播音天才Fabian,snoton-airtalent.我们已经接近目标了感谢一位VIPWe'realreadymostofthewaytoourgoal,thankstooneVIP.他今天会亲自把支票送来He,sdroppingoffhischeckinpersontoday.他还特别要求劳伦AndhespecificallyaskedforLauren带他参观录音室togivehimastudiotour.好吧为了万能的金钱我做什么都可以Oh,well,anythingforthealmightydollar.要不要我再给他做个下流按♥摩♥ShallIgivehimawankymassageaswell?给我自己涂满油Oilmyselfallup?Hmm?你感觉怎么样费比安Howareyoufeeling,Fabian?准备好了吗Readytoroll?记住你所要做的就是宣传我们为回馈会员Remember,allyouhavetodoistalkupourwonderfulgift所准备的美妙的礼物forsustainingmembers.这是一个小的蓝牙播放器可以用搭扣lt,sasmallBluetoothspeakerthatclipsontoyourbeltloop固定在你的皮带环上withacarabiner.给我写下来了以防你Here,Iwroteitdownincaseyou-别对我屈尊俯就我不是你的下属Don'tcondescendtome.mnotyourunderling.当然不是我们是一个团队Ofcoursenot.We'reateam.别假装这地方Don'tpretendthere'snohierarchy没有等级制度inthisfuckingfiefdom!费比安求你了Fabian,please.我们迫切需要捐款的部分原因是Partofwhyweneeddonationssourgently你要求我们购买♥♥isthat$20,000lactationstation价值2万美元的哺乳站youdemandedwepurchaseeventhough尽管这里并没有人母乳喂养nooneherebreastfeeds.而且说实话我担心那东西Andhonestly,Iworrythatthing对桑迪的精神造成了伤害hasbeenbadforSandy'smind.今天是又一场募捐活动Todaymarksyetanotherpledgedrive.虽然我觉得这种做法令人反感AndwhileIfindthissortofshillingdistasteful,但我们的制片人芭布却粗鲁地坚持ourproducer,Barb,crasslyinsists.我们将与你分享一些我们最喜欢的片段We'llbesharingsomeofourfavoriteclipswithyou,我们亲爱的万事通们ourbelovedknow-it-alls.让我们从我和历史纪录片导演肯伯恩斯的1.et'skickthingsoffwithafascinatingconversation一段精彩对话开始吧IhadwiththedocumentarianKenBurns.传奇劳伦JLegendaryLaurenJ,肯十儿岁的时候我会去租赁店Ken,asateenager,dgotothevideorental,把你的电影藏在色情电影的DVD套里andIwouldhideyourfilmsintheDVDjackets这样当地的变♥态♥就能Ofpornographyfilmssothatthelocalperverts学学历史了wouldgetahistorylesson.有很多人曾经把色情片藏There'salotofpeoplewhohidepornography在我们的DVD夹里inourDVDjacket.所以我认为你已经恰当地Sothere,sakindofreciprocitythat提出了一种互惠关系1thinkthatyou'vekindofappropriatelybroughtup.现在也许那些性观察家们Andnowmaybethosesex-watcherswill会花更少的时间来扯那二两肉spendlesstimeyankingtheirtrash用更多的时间来了解桑尼罗林斯的故事andmoretimelearningaboutSonnyRollins.桑尼罗林斯被称为萨克斯管巨人Well,SonnyRoIlinswascalledtheSaxophoneColossus.所以这两件事可能存在某种协同作用Sotheremightbesomekindofsynergythere.哦肯Oh,Ken.你小子Oh,youdirtydog.记住如果你感到紧张把双脚放在地上Remember,ifyougetnervous,plantbothfeetontheground用鼻子呼吸andbreathethroughyournose.芭布Barb.占领宾州车站时Iwaspartofthepeople'smicrophone我参与了群众麦克风duringOccupyPennStation.我把从阿西拉休息室传来的信息IamplifiedmessagesfromtheAcelaLounge一路放大到带厕所的杜安里德药店allthewaytotheDuaneReadewiththebathroom.我想我应付得了一次募捐活动IthinkIcanhandleapledgedrive.你就是我们的姑娘You'reourgal.别叫我姑娘Don'tcallmegal.你就是我们的人You'reourperson.服了芭布Jesus,fuck,Barb.我又不是你的财产Iamnotyourproperty.孩子们今天对你很严厉啊Thekidsarebeinghardonyoutoday.每天都是They'rehardonmeeveryday.但我不介意ButIdon'tmind.这样只意味着他们安全感很足Itjustmeanstheyfeelsafe.就好像我是我整个职业生涯的It'slikemtheguestofhonorataroastthat贵宾宴会goesonformyentirecareer.你知道即使是业余历史学家Youknow,forevenamateurhistorians,你离一个事件很远奇怪的是thefartherawayyougetfromanevent,strangely,有时很矛眉的你却越能更全面地sometimesparadoxically,thecloseryoucanget理解它tounderstandingitmorefully.这很有道理Thatmakesagreatdealofsense.我的前女友格拉尼亚告诉我Myex-partnerGraniatoldmethatshewas无论在地理上还是情感上bestabletolovemefromagreatdistance,她都能在很远的地方爱我bothgeographicallyandemotionally.没错That'sright.这是一种柏拉图式的恋爱It'sgottobealittleplatonic,而且两者之间必须保持一定的距离andit'sgottohavesomedistancebetweenit,yeah.因为如果历史触及到你Becauseifhistorytouchesyou,她会起鸡皮龙瘩的itmakesherskincrawl.没错Exactly.你到底是在哪里Andwhereexactlydidyoufind找到这个暗处捐钱惯犯的芭布thisdark-moneymalefactoranyway,Barb?埃克森美孚石油天然气吗ExxonMobil?俄♥罗♥斯♥政♥治♥寡头吗TheRussianoligarchy?Mm?还有卖♥♥JK罗琳的巴恩斯与诺布尔书店吗BarnesandNoblethatstillcarriesJ.K.Rowling?他是巴塔露露的内部法律顾问He,sthein-housecounselatPataLulu.你一定是吉恩Ah,youmustbeGene.你好Hello.真的是你It'sreallyyou.劳伦凯斯宾1.aurenCaspian?怎么了Yes?吉恩雅各比我可是你铁粉GeneJacoby.Hugefan.是吗Isthatright?嗨吉恩Hi,Gene.我是芭布这个节目的执行制片人mBarb,executiveproduceroftheshow.您是现在给我支票还是Wouldyouliketogivemethechecknowor慢点啊芭布Whoa,whoa,whoa.Slowdown,Barb.你不是在你的俄亥俄小镇Didyounotlearntheartofintroductions学过介绍人的艺术吗inyourPodunkOhiotown?我来自爱荷华州的艾姆斯mfromAmes,Iowa.我看你是来自爱荷华州的云里雾里Morelike"aimless"Iowa.爱荷华州的云里雾里AimlessIowa?天啊真是莎拉沃厄尔级别的狗屁Oh,God,that'ssomeSarahVowell-Ievelshit.来吧吉恩这边走Oh,come,Gene.Thisway.我要给你看我的私人迷你吧mgoingtoshowyoumypersonalminibar里面有可以直接上嘴喝的冷汤ofdrinkablecoldsoups.第一次上广播吗Firsttimeonair?不不不Oh,no,no,no.我主持了一个每日播客黑人的命更是命Ihostadailypodcas"BlackLivesMatterMore.',不过不是直播的Which,itisn'tlive.但我的意思是ButImean-我又不用跟上爱德华R默罗的节奏It'snotlikeIhavetofollowEdwardR.Murrowhere.我曾经自费拍摄了一部Ionceself-financedadocumentary关于我前妻的新丈夫格伦的纪录片aboutmyex-wife'snewhusband,Glenn.我努力做到不偏不倚AndItookpainstobeevenhanded.但回想起来某些部分完全只是Butinretrospect,certainsectionsare我取笑他那拙劣的飞秒手术justmemakingfunofhisbotchedLASIKsurgery.好的Okay.这段结束了我们马上回来三二Thatclipisending,andwe,rebackinthree,two费比安你上场了Fabian,you'reon.大家好欢迎来到新知节目Hello,andwelcometothe"IntheKnow."你知道的更多Themoreyouknow.哦不Oh,no.我绝对是费比安IamAbsolutelyFabian,fillingin代替平日的主持入劳伦西尼阿尔弗雷多foryourusualLaurenciniAlfredo.我是你♥爸♥噢myourdad.今天我们有很多东西要给大家听Today,we'vegotsomuchtomakeyoulisten.但是别闹了Butenoughofthesethings.因为当你今天此时此刻Becausewhenyou,today,here,rightnow,带回家一件礼物我的孩子们好吗youtakehomeonegift,mybabies,okay?我是你♥爸♥爸那个礼物是myourdad,andthatgiftis-这是一个一个小蓝管It,saasmallBluetube蓝管Bluetube?蓝牙Bluetooth.蓝管播放器ABluetubespeaker.它不只是能唱歌♥女士们先生们Anditdoesn'tjustsing,ladiesandgentlemen.它可以做锁扣Itcandoacarabiner.是的你没听错Yes,youheardthatright.现在让我们回到你喜欢的劳伦斯频道Nowlet'sgetbacktothestuffyoulovewithmoreLawrence.再见黑着吧Goodbye,andstayBlack.感觉有点奇怪Thatfeltalittleweird.啥啊这都Thefuck?劳伦JLaurenJ芬恩沃尔夫哈德你的职业生涯始于FinnWolfhard,yourcareerbeganasaboy一个九岁的男孩在分类广♥告♥网站上回应了ofjustnineyearsoldrespondingtoCraigslistads自♥由♥演员的广♥告♥forfreelanceactinggigs.你对自己还活着心存感激吗Areyougratefultostillbealive?是的Iam,yeah.我确实很感激我没有问复任何可能mgratefulthatIdidn'tansweranyCraigslistads会害死我的分类广&hearts浩♥thathadmekilled,forsure.我还是不能原谅我的前任vestillneverforgivenmyex-partner把我的裸体照列在“家具“分类下的forlistingmynudebodyas"forsale"“待售“旧扫帚”under"furniture/1subsectionoldbrooms,这根本不合理不是吗whichmakesnosense,doesit?芬恩你说扫帚算一件家具吗BecauseFinn,isabroomapieceoffurniture?不我觉得是清洁用品No,Iwouldsayit'sacleaningsupply.完全正确That'sexactlyright.芬恩我只想让你说劳伦凯斯宾Finn,Ijustwanttohaveyouonrecord不是任何人的扫帚assayingthatLaurenCaspianisnobody,sbroom.劳伦凯斯宾不是别人的扫帚Uh,LaurenCaspianisnoone,sbroom.我喜欢你在直播时的说俏皮话Oh,Ilovehowplayfulyouareontheair.采访对我来说Interviews,tome,就像做♥爱♥arelikemakinglove但是没有难闻的气味Butwithoutalloftheawfulsmells.你正要给我看你的散叶茶Huh.Youwereabouttoshowmeyourlooseleafteas.是的Ah,yes.我坚持喝高端甘菊Isticktothehigh-endchamomiles.我曾经喝过一杯血橙路易波士Ioncehadabloodorangerooibos,然后我就完全失去了理智andIcompletelylostmymind.我不得不服用纳洛酮来恢复神智IhadtotakeNarcantolevelout.芭布你在这里闲逛干什么Barb,whatareyoudoingloiteringhere?噢我还以为休息室是VIP专用的呢Yeah,IthoughtthebreakroomwasVIPsonly.那可就太好了Wouldn'tthatbenice?蔡斯那是什么Chase,what'sthat?当我发现今天是募捐日之后WhenIfoundoutitwaspledgeday,我跑出去买♥♥了一桶酒Iranoutandgotakeg.蔡斯我们是在请求听众捐款Chase,we,reaskingourlistenerstopledgedonations.雅各比先生是我们最慷慨的捐赠者Mr.Jacobyhereisourmostgenerousdonor.我也是兄弟会的啊Hey,Iwasafratbromyself.西格二货社SigEp.西格二货社你是认真的吗SigEp?Areyouserious?等等Wait-汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪WOOfWOofWOoCWOofwoof,WooCwoof!是的这很好Ah,yes.That'sgood.差不多够T我们继续吧Andthat'senough.Shallwecontinue?当然Butofcourse.我得看看天才凯斯宾是在哪里孵化出来的ImustseewheretheCaspiangeniusishatched.多年来我一直在购买♥♥vebeenshoppingthefilmrights我人生故事的电影版权ofmylifestoryforyears.我觉得你演年轻劳伦会很出色IthinkyoucouldmakeagreatyoungLauren,所以我现在想给你一个试镜的机会sodliketoofferyouthechancetoauditionrightnow.让我来设定一下场景1.etmesetthescene.你是14岁的我邀请学校医务室护士贝琳达You're14-year-oldme,andyou'reaskingBelinda,参加毕业舞会theschoolnurse,toprom.我一定要这么做吗DoIhavetodothis?劳伦我知道你来医务室SoLauren,Iunderstandyou,vecometotheinfirmary是因为你有恐慌症和放屁的烦恼becauseyou'vebeenhavingpanicattacksandpassinggas.是的我停不下来Yeah,Ican'tstop.天呐就是停不下来Oh,God,itwon'tstop.天呐就是停不下来Jesus,itwon'tstop!好吧我能让你暂停一下Okay,canI-canIpauseyouforasecond给你指点一下方向吗andgiveyoualittledirection?我觉得这个痛苦是对的1thinkthedistressisright.但年轻的劳伦更有魅力ButyoungLaurenhadalotmorecharisma.好我们直接进入性♥爱&hearts场景Okay,let'sjumptothesexscene.什么What?也许我们可以像BTS一样Maybewecancomeupwithalittlemnemonicdevice想出一个小的助记器来帮助你重置tohelpyoureset,likeBTS.就是呼吸思考说话Breathe,Think,Speak.我没事mgood.BTS也可以代表蓝牙扬声器BTScanalsostandforBluetoothSpeaker.这可以从两个方面帮助你Sothatmighthelpyouintwoways.是啊我想那是你上一次Yeah,Ithinkitwasjustthelasttime说三二yousaid"three,two,"我以为你还要说“一“andIexpectedyoutosay"one,"结果把我搞糊涂了anditthrewmeoff.但我Butm-我现在准备好了mreadynow.小型蓝牙播放器皮带锁扣SmallBluetoothspeaker,beltloopcarabiner.士辛Perfect.正确顺序的真实词汇Realwordsintherightorder.我们开始吧Andherewego.Three,two-你好Hello.再次欢迎Welcome,again.对不起那是我的喉咙和身体在尖叫msorry,thatwasmythroatandbodyscreaming.现在30:40调频Thetimeisnow30:40intheFM,所以不要害羞sodon'tbeshy.这水刚好合适Thewater'sfine.我们跳进去开始做募捐派吧1.et'shoponinandmakepledgepie.从我们最后的休息时间这是巴比安Duringourlastbreak-ThisisBabian,bythe"巴比安Babian?那不是我的名字That'snotmyname.我是个婴儿mababy.不你是个成年人了No,you'reagrownperson.黑♥手♥党♥确实杀了肯尼迪ThemafiadidkillJFK.是BTSBTS.记住BTSBTS.做一个牙齿绞杀者BeToothStrangler.它那么小声音却那么大Itissosmall,yetthesoundislarge.还有一个小圈圈可以用来套在你老二上Withahandylooptocrimpyourwiener.是皮带皮带Belt!Belt!今天用这个“方巾”来夹紧你最喜欢的香肠吧Usethis"squaribiner"toclamyourfavoritewienertoday.什么情况Whatishappening?没事的我见过更糟的It,sokay.veseenworse.什久时候见的When?油管上猴子攻击人的合集视频YouTubecompilationsOfmonkeyattacks.天啊Oh,God.现在在一次泽访中Now,whenaskedinaninterview当被问及你如果可以出演任何你想演的电影你会选什么时ifyoucouldstarinanymovieyouwanted,whatwoulditbe,你的回答是大白鲨youranswerwas,"jaws.,我想成为一个喜欢"dliketobeanoceancreature吃人屁♥股♥的海洋生物withanappetiteforass."你能详细说明一下吗Canyoupleaseelaborate?你这话是什么意思Whatdidyoumeanbythat?我不知道1don'tknow.我想你能把潜台词弄明白Ithinkyoucanteaseapartthesubtext任何公共广播听众Anykindofpublicradiolistener都能从这话里理解我在说什么couldunderstandwhatIwassayingfromthat.喜欢吃人屁♥股♥Anappetiteforass.真可爱That'slovely.潜鸟的叫声意味着我们有了新会员Thecallofthecommonloonmeanswehaveanewpledge.捐赠人有权得到一件新知T恤Andthedonorisentitledtoan,IntheKnow"T-shirt.吉恩你能帮我们拿一件Gene,wouldyouliketohelpusgrabone打包寄出去吗能topackupandsendout?-Yeah.然后也许吉恩会把垃圾倒了AndthenmaybeGenewouldliketotakeoutthegarbage然后把墨粉放进复印机里andputtonerinthecopymachine.我只是觉得他可能会喜欢Ijustthoughthemightenjoy来吧吉恩我给你拿件衬衫Come,Gene.Let'sgetyouashirt.我们把它们放在哺乳站Wekeeptheminthelactationstation.你想干什么Whatdoyouwant?我们只是想拿件T恤WewerejustgrabbingaT-shirt.为什么-这是给捐赠人的Why?-It'sforadonor.谁Who?吉恩这是桑迪工作室的小妖精Gene,thisisSandy,thestudio'shobgoblin.衬衫10美元Tenbucksfortheshirt.桑迪衬衫是礼物Sandy,theT-shirtisagift.我没事I-it,sfine.必须尊重企业家精神Gottorespectanentrepreneurialspirit.给你二十这样吧Here,s$20,andyouknowwhat?不用找了Keepthechange.如果我们能炒了他我们会炒的Well,ifwecouldfirehim,wewould.但每次我们炒他他都会因为卖♥♥淫被抓Buteverytimewedo,hegetspickedupforprostitution.显然他是恋尸癖者的合法选择Evidently,he'salegalalternativefornecrophiliacs.他的体温才17度Hisbodyis6♥4♥degrees.传奇劳伦JLegendaryLaurenJ诺拉琼斯小时候你在教堂唱诗班NorahJones,asagirl,youweregivenmultiplesolos有过多次独唱机会inyourchurchchoir.因为即使在上帝的殿堂里BecauseevenintheHouseofGod,你也是真正的大明星youweretherealstar.我没有拿到所有的独唱机会1didn'tgetallthesolos.我记得有一次在一个教会节目里Irememberauditioningonceforthepart试镜圣母玛丽这个角色ofMaryinachurchprogram.结果我得到了养父约瑟这个角色Andinstead,IgotthepartofJoseph.我很沮丧Iwasupset,因为我真的很想要玛丽那段独唱'causeIreallywantedtheMarysolo.而且我比得到玛丽那段的Also,Iwasabouttwofeetshorter那个女孩矮了两英尺thanthegirlwhogotMary.你有没有想过自己动手,Anddidyoueverthinkabouttakingmatters像坦雅哈丁那样和那个邪恶的intoyourownhandsandpullingaTonyaHarding女巨人来干上一场withthatunholygiantess?我觉得她妈妈是合唱团指挥所以Idothinkthathermomwasthechoirdirector,so.我没说这就是原因哈mnotsayingthat'swhy.全世界第一个裙带关系婴儿就是圣诞节的玛丽TheoriginalnepobabywasMaryonChristmas.对Yes.卡尔Yo,Carl.准备好宣誓了吗Youreadytopledge?什么噢没有What?Also,no.好吧我知道今天不是搞兄弟会的日子Okay,Iknowtodayisn'tliterallyaboutfrats.但这仍然是一个绝佳的机会Butit,sstilltheperfectopportunity作为一家入一起伤害我们的肝脏totraumatizeoursweetlittleliversasafam.我就不来了mgood.你还好吗费比安Howyoudoing,Fabian?我可以帮你Icanhelpyou.吸这个管子直到吸出泡沫为止Suckonthistubetillyouhitfoam.说实话费比安这可能是个好主意Honestly,Fabian,thatmightbeagoodidea.这不是对希腊生活或ThisisnotanendorsementofGreeklife其有强♥奸♥色彩的狼文化的认可oritsrapeywolfculture.喝喝喝喝Chug,chug,chug,chug!这办公室真令人印象深刻Thisofficeissoimpressive.你是第一个这么说的人Oh,you'rethefirstpersonwho'sreactedthatway.看看这个1.ookatthis.这是我因为得小儿骨刺恢复最快That'stheblueribbonIgotforfastestrecovery得到的蓝&hearts丝♥带♥奖frompediatricbonespurs.多有趣的纪念品啊Whatafunpieceofmemorabilia.天呐MyGod.这是我小时候的录音机It,smychildhoodrecorder.天呐Oh,mygosh.我的第一个采访对象是我父亲Myfirstinterviewwaswithmyfather.那时我才五岁Iwasfiveyearsold.这只是一个简单的问题It'sasimplequestion.妈妈为什么要离开WhydidMommyleave?该死劳伦Goddamnit,Lauren!穿上你的夹克我们要去上学了Putonyourjacket.We'regoingtoschool!你在转移话题You'repivoting.神童啊Achildprodigy!他一直没有回答这个问题Heneverdidanswerthequestion.劳伦1.auren,我今天不是来参观录音室的Ididn'tcomeheretodayforastudiotour.我是来找你的Icamehereforyou.我们是