ParksandRecreation《公园与游憩（2009）》第二季第十二集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

Pawnee市政♥府&hearts激&hearts湃剧由公园与娱乐邰门带来接卜来是BillDexhart议员的现场直播WenowgolivetoCouncilmanBillDexhart,他正在召开关于他性丑闻的新闻发布会who'sgivingapressconferenceabouthissexscandal.你将看到的是很少见的政♥府♥独家项目Youaregettingarareglimpseatthisexclusive,government-onlyevent.每年十二月一个部门都要出一个节目EachDecember,onedepartmentputsonashow吐槽镇上发生的事情thatspoofswhathappenedinourtown.准备好笑掉大牙吧PreparetolaughyourAsnov!习大牙是前任市议员有些笑点是内部笑话SidAsnovisaformercitycouncilman.Someofthejokesaresortofinside.Dexhart议员你又卷入另一场丑闻了吗CouncilmanDexhart,you'reinvolvedinyetanotherscandal?这比Gunderson市.长的狗Rufus还要疯狂啊That'scrazierthanMayorGunderson'sdog,Rufus.是的确实有个新的而且是个极品Yes,thereisanewone,andit'sadoozie.我不想展开细节但只想说Idon'twanttogointothedetails,butletmejustsay涉及了多个女人一个私生子thatitinvolvesmultiplewomen,alovechild,护上犹太教士牧师nurses,rabbis,priests.不是吧Hey!我希望你们都能参与我今晚的筹款会Well,Ihopeyoucanalljoinmeatmyfundraisertonight.当然特别鸣谢亮片工厂和1-800-床垫的大力支持Iambeingsupported,ofcourse,bytheGlitterFactoryand1-800-Mattress.经典Classic!*Pawnee是个不太美的城rfi*Pawneeisacitythatain'tverypretty*好政♥府♥是我们的目标*Andgoodgovernmentisourgoal*我们或许不太大市长还要戴假发*WemaynotbebigAndourmayorwearsawig* 但至少浣熊蔓延规模已经开始慢慢变小*Butatleasttheraccooninfestationisundercontrol* 这是最好的时光*It'sthemostwonderfultime* 就在Pawnee*inPawnee公园与游憩公园与游憩公园与游憩第2季第12集第2季第12集48号♥地原来是一个讨厌而恶心的大坑1.ot48wasonceahorribleanddisgustingpit,现在它成了Pawnee的冬日乐园andnowit'sthesiteofPawnee'sWinterWonderland.如果这是我自己计划设计的就好了ThiscouldnotbemoreperfectifIhadplanneditmyself.哦确实是我♥干♥的它太棒了WhichIdid.Andit,sawesome.我们来讲安排So,let'stalkskedge,guys.孩子们周六早上9点来玩Thekidsaregonnacomeat9:00a.m.onSaturday,每个人当两小时的圣诞老人andeveryone'sgonnadoSantafortwohours,所以我建议所有人soIwouldjustadviseeveryone,穿上服装之前beforeyougetinyourcostume,先去洗手间以避免去年发生的事情togotothebathroom,sowecanavoidwhathappenedlastyear.只是几个屁而巳Itwasjustfarts.晚上6点与少年唱诗班一起唱颂歌♥6:00p.m.,carolingwiththeyouthchoir,我很荣幸宣布今年andIamproudtoannounce,forthefirsttimeeverthisyear,是我们首次在网络电台直播圣诞树点灯活动ourtreelightingceremonywillbesimulcastonInternetradio.谢谢Thankyou.那可是件大事-确实是谢谢That'sareallybigdeal.-Itis.Thankyou.听见那棵树亮起来肯定赞爆了1.isteningtothattreelightingisgonnabedope.好的有任何问题来找我解散Okay.Anyquestions,directthemtome.Dismissed.嘿呃工作语♥音♥信箱有条消息Hey,uh,therewasamessageforyouontheworkvoicemail.Dexhart议员想要见你CouncilmanDexhartwantstomeetwithyou晚9点木板路酒廊at9:00p.m.attheTheBoardwalkLounge.骗我-才没Shutup.-No.我才不怕呢我没有啥好道歉的mnotscared.Igotnothingtoapologizefor.我本来可以更刁难一点的太轻易就让他“释放”了Icould'vebeenalotharderonhim.Hegotoffeasy.他也经常谢谢我一周都在Andoften.Thankyou,llbehereallweek!你得跟我说说他我对他一无所知Yougottatellmeabouthim.Idon'tknowanythingabouthim.好的他23他差不多是我男友他是同Okay.He's23,he,skindofmyboyfriend,he,sgay.去年我们喝醉了他带我去冰雪世界1.astyearwegotdrunkandhetookmetotheIceCapades,而我啥都没送给他andIdidn'tgethimanything.他是同是啊Andhe'sgay?-Yeah.断背山DVDBrokebackMountainDVD.不-同志最爱No.-Fellowslovethat.不他已经有那种皮裤吗No.-Doeshealreadyhave,like,chaps?像露臀皮裤那种唉算了1.ikeasslesschaps?-Youknowwhat?Forgetit.好吧为什么来问我Okay.Whyareyouaskingme?因为我也不知道没人可问了Because.Idon'tknow.There'snooneelsetoask.至少你还算是年轻Atleastyou'rekindofyoung.好跟你说我好好想想Allright,lltellyouwhat.mgonnathinkaboutit.接下来一整天我都会来回思考Throughthecourseofallday,mgonnamullitover.我只想这个但你放心It,sallmgonnathinkabout,butyou'reingoodhands.我会想到很好很好的东西mgonnacomeupwithsomethingreally,reallygood.是吗-是-好Really?-Yeah.-Allright.这个你会吗-会Yougotthat?-Yeah.Dexhart议员我是LeSIieKnopeCouncilmanDexhart?mLeslieKnope.感谢你来见我Thankyouformeetingme.不用谢It'smypleasure.我假设你约我是关于我Iamassumingthisisaboutmyperformance昨晚在政♥府♥歌♥舞剧里的表演intheGovernmentFollieslastnight.我只想说我没有需要道歉的地方djustliketosaythatIhavenothingtoapologizefor,除了大概过于尖锐exceptforperhapsbeingtooincisive.我不需要你道歉Idon'twantyoutoapologize.我想知道是谁说的Iwanttoknowwhotoldyou.谁说的-嗯哼Whotoldme?-Mmm-hmm.没有人没有人啥都没说Nobody.Nobodytoldmenothing!我们在说什么Whatarewetalkingabout?根据那段表演Basedonthatskit,我知道你听说了接下来将要曝出的新丑闻Iknowyouheardaboutthenewscandalthat'sabouttobreak.谁跟你说的是那个保姆Whotoldyou?Wasitthebabysitter?是那个接生了我私生子的护士Wasitthenursewhodeliveredourlovechild?什么够别装傻了What?-Allright,stopplayingdumb.发生了什么你明白得很,Youknowdamnwellwhathappened.我把保姆搞怀孕了Igotthebabysitterpregnant,当她在产房♥的时候我和thenwhenshewasinthedeliveryroom,Ihadsexwithnotone,不止一个而是四个护上在储备室里做♥爱♥butfournursesinasupplycloset,还有一个丈夫在接受肝移植的女人嗯aswellasawomanwhosehusbandwasgettingalivertransplant.Mmm.现在她们之中是谁告诉你的是那个肝女士吗Now,whichoneofthemtoldyou?Wasittheliverlady?这我没人我没我从没听过这些Well,1.Noone.1haven't.Ihaven'theardanyofthis,这辈子从没听说这些事情ever,inmywholelife.哦Oh!相信我要听说了我肯定会记得的Believeme,Iwouldhaverememberedthis.好那样的话Okay.Well,inthatcase,刚刚跟你说的一切都是个好笑的恶作剧everythingIjusttoldyouwasjustafunnyprank.哦嗨见面如何Oh!Hi!Howwasyourmeeting?挺好挺直接的Itwasfine.Prettystraightforward.很简短他很忙,Shortmeeting.He'sabusyguy.是的很忙看看这篇文章Yes,verybusy.Lookatthisarticle.Pawnee太阳报性感DeXy再次进攻不No!什么Whatthe.这个故事的故事是它不停地发展Thestoryofthisstoryisthatitwon'tstopdeveloping.昨晚Dexhart议员见过的那个神秘女子ThemysterywomanwhometwithCouncilmanDexhartlastnight被曝是一位政♥府♥雇员名为LeSIieNorpappearstobeagovernmentemployeenamedLeslieNorp.哦我的天啊哦天啊Oh,myGod!Oh,God!根据Pawnee太阳报未确认的报道AccordingtounconfirmedreportsinthePawneeSun,二位在本地某间酒吧彻夜畅饮thetwobentanelbowatthislocalwateringhole,虽然他们分别离开andalthoughtheyleftseparately,没有人知道他们在哪一同醒来nooneknowswheretheywokeuptogether.第4频道新闻PerdHaPley报道PerdHapley,ChannelFourNews.我做过的只是写了剧本并进行了一段精彩的表演AllIdidwaswriteandperforminoneamazingskit.1.eslie只是Pawnee太阳报小报而已Leslie,it,sthePawneeSun.It'satabloid.没有别人写过这件事了Nobodyelsehaswrittenaboutit是的没人相信那种垃圾报纸Yeah,noonebelievesthatgarbage.甚至根本没人读Nobodyevenreadsthatthing.1.eslie咋滴干得漂亮妹子Leslie!What?Nicework,girl.哦天哪我怎么还击给我点选择Oh,God!HowdoIfightback?Givemesomeoptions.你需要我去勾引PerdHapley吗DoyouwantmetoseducePerdHapley?那怎久能帮忙Howwouldthathelp?我不知道我只是想看看我能不能做到Idon'tknow.IjustwanttoseeifIcandoit.April很感激你但我觉得这不是APriLlappreciatethat,butIdon'tthinkit'ssomething值得你失去贞洁的事情worthlosingyourvirginityover.1.eslie我不知道这些重不重要1.eslie,Idon'tknowifthisisimportantornot,但我今天听到了很多很多butIhaveheardalotofvery,veryinterestingchatter在擦鞋铺的有趣议论aroundtheshoeshinestandtoday.哦天啊真的吗你都听到啥了Oh,myGod!Really?Whathaveyouheard?很多事情比如"你敢相信吗”Alotofthings.Like,"Canyoubelieveit?"还有"公园女上了Dexhart"and,"TheParksladybonedDexhart/1和”当然她上了我完全想上她”and,"Ofcourseshedid,she'stotallygoodtogo."有个男的就“我不想上她”Andoneguywaslike,"Iwouldn'thitthat."另一个男的就“我也不想”Andtheotherguywaslike,"Meneither."然后第三个男的就说“我想"Andthenthisthirdguywaslike,"Iwould.'1所以我不知道这些有没有帮助SoIdon'tknowifthat'shelpfulatall.好的继续监听Well,keepyoureartotheground.好我就Okay.lljust.我不会让这些人恐吓到我我会做好我的工作mnotgonnaletthesepeopleintimidateme.mgonnadomyjob.我当然不是没想过IwouldbelyingifIsaidthatIneverthought我会被卷进这种事情中Iwouldbeinvolvedinanincidentlikethis.除了我总是假设我会是那个政♥治♥家ExceptIalwaysassumedthat1wouldbethepolitician而那个男的会被指控和我睡了andthemanwouldbeaccusedofsleepingwithme.而那个男的是副总统Andthatmanwouldbethevicepresident.而我是总统AndIwouldbethepresident.好的行了你看起来不错Okay,allright.Well,youlookgood.不过你得穿上紧身裤Youneedtoputsometightson,though,我希望你们的领口都扣严实了andIwantyoutomakesureyoukeepyournecklineniceandhigh.1.eslieKnope吗AlexaSoftcastlePawnee太阳报1.eslieKnope?AlexaSoftcastle,PawneeSun.我能问你些问题吗CanIaskyouafewquestions?什么都别说Don'tsayanything.我不害怕说任何事情好吗我没有需要隐瞒的mnotafraidtosayanything.Okay?Ihavenothingtohide.直到昨天我才第一次见到DeXhart议员dneverevenmetCouncilmanDexhartbeforeyesterday,这是我对此事要说的全部事实andthat'sallmgonnasayaboutthematter.有人说这不是第一次Somepeoplearesayingthisisn'tthefirsttime你和已婚议员有染thatyou'vehadsexwithamarriedcouncilman.谁说的有人Who,ssayingthat?-Somepeople.好的采访结束Okay.Thisinterviewisover.回家低调事实会浮出水面的Gohome,laylow.Thetruthwillcomeout.我不行我有太多工作要做Ican't!Ihavetoomuchworktodo.这个部门不能自己副主的Thisdepartmentisnotgonnadeputy-directitself.我觉得我们能安排Ithinkwecanmanage.把你的日程给我我们会替你完成Justgivemeyourscheduleandwe'llcoverforyou.好的我复印了Leslie的每日工作日程Okay.vemadecopiesofLeslie'sdailyworkschedule,我们只需要分组每组完成.sowe'lljustsplitintoteams,andeachteamwilltake.该死10项我们就能搞定了Damn,10items,andwe,llknockthisout.我发誓我昨晚之前从没见过那个人Isweartoyou,Ineverevenmettheguybeforelastnight.没事的我相信你It'sokay.Ibelieveyou.是吗-当然我觉得我已经很了解你了Youdo?-'Course.IthinkIknowyouprettywell,这听起来不像你andthatdoesn'tsoundlikeyou.1射谢Thankyou.要是让我见到那家伙我上去就给他一拳IfIeverseethatguy,mgonnapunchhimrightintheface.哎呀嘴真甜用上你的警棍Yeah,that'ssweet.Useyournightstick.这是什么会议Whichmeetingisthis?本地审计系统改组会议ReorganizationofLocalAuditingSystems.杀了我吧-好的第一项议题Killme.-Right.Firstorderofbusiness.1.eslieLeslie在哪1.eslie?Where,sLeslie?哦呃我让她今天休息了Paul觉得这样最好0h,urn,Igaveherthedayoff,Paul.Thoughtthatwasbest哦好挺好0h,yeah.That'sgood.所以你来做报告吗RonSoyou'llbemakingthepresentationthen,Ron?是是的Yep.Yes.嘿所以这就说到我想要跟你聊的事情Hey,so,thatkindofbringsustowhatIwantedtotalktoyouabout.我你知道我的后备部队吧I.YouknowmyArmyreserveunit?我们被召成现役了我四天后就出海了Wegotcalleduptoactiveduty.Ishipoutinfourdays.哦天哪Oh,myGod!你要去哪Whereyougoing?圣地亚哥SanDiego.哦天哪Oh,myGod!并不危险It,snotdangerous.基本上是维护工作但我要去个一年It'smostlymaintenance.Butmgoingfor,like,ayear.可能18个月我有点希望Maybe18months.AndIwaskindofhoping可能你会想和我一起去thatmaybeyou'dwanttocomewithme.像那种永久关系的基础1.ike,onapermanenttypebasis.我不知道这个问题有点奇怪Well,Idon'tknow,it'skindofaweirdquestion.我是说我参军是为了上大学Imean,Ijoinedtoputmyselfthroughcollege,那是我只是个做办公室的andit's.mjustadeskjockey,但还是是值得的butit'sstill.It'srewarding.所以是我猜我爱上了军队So,yeah,IguessminlovewiththeArmy.哦Leslie是吧哦对对这样听着合理多了Oh,Leslie?Well,yeah.Yeah,thatmakesalotmoresense.是的我肯定是爱上Leslie了这个可以确认Yeah,mdefinitelyinlovewithLeslie.That'saffirmative.我知道这看起来有点快但我觉得我们还是有点什么的Iknowthisseemskindoffast,butIfeellikewegotsomethinghere.我也觉得Ido,too.是么-是的Yeah?-Yeah.你不需要马上回答Youdon,thavetoanswerrightaway.你有点需要我是说我需要尽快知道Well,youkindofdo.Imean,Ineedtoknowsoon.哇是啊Wow!-Yeah.你会去吗Areyougonnago?这个DeXhart的事让我现在对Pawnee没有那么眷恋了ThiswholeDexhartthingisnotmakingmefeelveryattachedtoPawneerightnow.圣地亚哥哎呀-是啊SanDiego.Jeez.-Yeah.你可以学会冲浪Youcouldlearnhowtosurf.我知道怎么冲浪Iknowhowtosurf.我小时候上过课我还挺厉害的ItooklessonswhenIwasakid.mactuallyprettygood.我相信你Ibetyouare.我会想死Leslie的IwouldmissLeslielikecrazy.嗷Aw!好的把工资单那条挑出来那个搞定了Allright,sortedoutthatpayrollissue,thisisdone.”给保洁部门带一件啤酒"为啥"BringacaseofbeertoSanitation."Why?我们跳过这条他们自己会买♥♥啤酒的1.et'sskipthatone.Theycanbuytheirownbeer.我饿了我们吃点吧mgettinghungry.Let'sgetsomethingtoeat.嘿你想到圣诞节送Ann什么礼物了吗Hey,haveyoufiguredoutwhatyou'regettingAnnforChristmas?哦我给她买♥♥了个挺棒的电脑包Oh,Igotheraprettygreatcomputerbag.啥这礼物也太糟糕了Yeah?Thafsaterriblegift.不不Tom她需要No,no,Tom,sheneedsone.她两个月前提到过我记下来了Shementionedittometwomonthsago,andIwroteitdown.这就是所谓做一个梦寐以求的男朋友That'swhat'scalledbeinganamazingboyfriend.你见过Ann吗你知道她多好看吗HaveyouseenAnn?Youknowhowhotsheis?男人给这种层次的女人送的是快艇私人飞机不是电脑包啊喂Mengivewomenofthatcaliberspeedboats,privatejets,notcomputerbags.好吧你觉得我该给她送啥Okay.WhatdoyouthinkIshouldgether?钻石钻石永远不会错Diamonds.Can'tgowrongwithdiamonds.钻石？-没有一个活着的女人不爱钻石的Diamonds?-Thereisn'tawomanalivewhodoesn'tlovediamonds.即使超级左翼的妹子看到血钻也会哭Eventhesuperleft-wingchicksthatsawBloodDiamondandcried,给她来-颗她就会whentheygetadiamond,they'relike,"耶姨♥子&子arts;再来点血钻”"Yeah,bitch,givememoreofthemblooddiamonds!“越血越好"相信我"Makethemextrabloody."Trustme.我们现在来看一段录像早在2005年4月Weareherelookingatavideotape.ThisisbackinApril2005.我们正看着DeXhart议员-LeSIie你得来看看We'relookingatCouncilmanDexhart.-Leslie,youshouldseethis.他IE准备和传言是性♥爱♥玩具的LeSIieKnope握手Andhe'snowabouttoshakehandswithLeslieKnope,theallegedsextoy.哦她姑奶奶的0h,forcripessake!看看她对他笑的方式嗯1.ookatthewayshe'ssmilingathim.-Mmm-hmm.然后几乎无意识地用手抚摸臀部Andthenalmostunconsciouslytouchingherhandstoherhips.看到吗就在那Seethat?Rightthere.就像是她在给他喑示她已经准备好要生孩子了It'slikeshe,ssendinghimamessagethatshe'sreadyforchildbearing.哇在24小时的滚动新闻中Wow.-Ina24-hournewscycle,这个鸡毛蒜皮的小事被一次又一次抽丝剥茧地分♥析♥thetinieststorygetsdissectedoverandoveragain.2004年一个Pawnee孩子去奥♥运♥会In2004,akidfromPawneewenttotheOlympics,然后被报道了接近一年anditwasreportedonforoverayear.他甚至不是去参加比赛Hewasn'tevencompetingoranything,就是去看奥♥运♥会去当观众hejustwasgoing,literally,towatchtheOlympics.把这个家伙搞过来简直太简单rItwaswaytooeasytogetthisguyhere.Dexhart议员这件事已经太过分了CouncilmanDexhart,thishasgonefarenough.我希望你举办新闻发布会澄清我的名誉Iwantyoutoholdapressconferenceandclearmyname.嗯不算了Mmm.No,thanks.为什么你有什么好处Whynot?What,sinitforyou?实话说跟Leslie有联♥系♥Tobehonest,beinglinkedtoLeslie比真实故事会少受太多谴责risalotlessdamningthantherealstory.你就像一杯纯牛奶一样干净You'relikeaglassofwholemilk.你是路德教的吗我爱路德教教友Whatareyou,Lutheran?IloveLutherans.议员恕我直言你抓紧时间吧Councilman,withallduerespect,getagrip.如果你不开新闻发布会Ifyoudon'tholdapressconference,我就在公众面前讲出整个故事mgonnacomeforwardandtellthewholestory.这对你不会有好处的Itwon'tdoyouanygood.相信我否认只会搞得更糟Takeitfromme,denyingonlymakesthingsworse.听着我得走了1.isten,Igottago.我要去两个产房♥呢mexpectedattwodifferentmaternitywards.但在我走之前不问就算是疏忽了ButbeforeIgo,dberemissif1didn'task.要来吗Shouldwe?哦我的天哪Oh,myGod!人们已经觉得我们做过了Peoplealreadythinkwedidit.你已经没有损失了我很厉害的You'vegotnothingtolose.mverygood.滚出去-好吧行Getoutofhere!-Allright,fine.擦鞋擦鞋哦嘿-嘿Shoeshine.Shoeshine.Oh!Hey!-Hey.我一整天都在想着你的同性恋男友vebeenthinkingaboutyourgayboyfriendallday.我有些属&hearts:爆的点子Ihavegotsomeawesomeideas.好吧Okay.第一个点子美黑礼品券Firstidea,spraytangiftcertificates.呃不Ugh.No.德国旅行德国很赞TriptoGermany?Germanyisawesome.也很贵Andexpensive.说得对我没想到这点Goodcall.Ididn'tthinkofthat.好吧人们常说你应该送那种Okay,youknowhowpeoplesaythatyoushouldgivegifts你希望送给自己的礼物你想耍什么thatyouwouldwanttogetyourself?Whatwouldyouwant?简单印第安纳波利斯小马队ReggieWayne的球衣Easy.IndianapolisColts'ReggieWaynejersey,87号♥加加大藏蓝色number87,doubleXL,homeblue,上有ReggieWayne触地得分赢得超级碗之后的签名signedbyReggieWaynerightafterhecatchesatouchdowntowintheSuperBowl.好吧当我没说-不行啊Okay.Nevermind.-No?嘻哈腹肌舞健身DVDHipHopAbsdancefitnessDVD?我们刚刚收到了这些独家照片Wejustreceivedtheseexclusivephotos.我们有市议员Dexhart.WehavepicturesofCityCouncilmanDexhart.天哪-和LeslieKnope.MyGod!-withLeslieKnope.我不敢相信Icannotbelieveit!现在的主要问题是这个神秘女人是谁Thebigissuenowis,whoisthismysterywoman?她和Knope彼此站得很近SheandKnopearestandingveryclosetoeachother,如果你看到两个女人站得很近andanytimeyouseetwowomenstandingveryclosetoeachother.哦不不别说出来-你马上就会想到Oh,no.No,don'tsayit.-.youimmediatelyassume.千万别说-女同性恋Pleasedon'tsayit.-.lesbian.哦当然-什么Oh,ofcourse.-What?有效信息的暴风雨今日席卷了演播室ItisaveritablestormOfinformationcomingintothestudiosheretoday.你好我是LeSIieKnope我希望JoanHi,thisisLeslieKnope,andIwouldlikeJoan推掉明天所有的嘉宾toclearallofhergueststomorrow,因为我要参加节目becausemcomingontheshow.如果你们觉得你们可以把我和我的朋友拖下水Ifyouthinkthatyoucandragmeandmyfriendthroug