ParksandRecreation《公园与游憩（2009）》第二季第四集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

并且我需要对我的夫人道歉Andtomywife,Iapologize.我能说的是那不只是性AllIcansayisIwasn'tjusthavingsex,我是在做♥爱♥和一位美丽的女性Iwasmakinglovetoabeautifulwoman及其男友andherboyfriend,还有一位我不知名字的人士andathirdperson,whosenameIneverlearned.此外我不该谎称Furthermore,itwaswrongofmetosay自己在为低收入群体建房♥子Iwasbuildinghousesfortheunderprivileged,但实际上我在巴西的一个洞穴里玩4P做♥爱♥whenIwasactuallyhavingfour-waysexinacaveinBrazil.洞穴里做♥爰♥肯定爽翻Ibetcavesexisinsane.为什么Why?因为回声和湿度Becauseoftheechoesandthehumidity.嗯哼Mmm-hmm.出于自辩那天是我生日Inmydefense,itwasmybirthday而且我也很想做and1reallywantedtodoit.人们只盯着丑闻的俗气细节我觉得很丢人Ithinkit'sarealshamewhenpeoplefocusonthetawdrydetailsofascandal.个人来讲我只关心Dexhart议员的政策Personally,allIcareaboutisCouncilmanDexhart,spolicies.而不是他在洞穴性♥爱♥里吸高了笑气和可♥卡♥因♥的事实Notwhetherhewashighonnitrousandcocaineduringthecavesex.不过我听说确实是Which,bytheway,Iheardhewas.令人震惊的败露竟还没有结束这个故事Onemoreshockingrevelationinastorythatjustwon'tstopunfolding.看来为出轨而道歉的Dexhart议员ItturnsoutCouncilmanDexhartmayhavealsohadsexwithaprostitute在这次新闻发布会的来回路上inthelimousineonthewaytoandfromthepressconference甚至还在豪车内与妓♥女♥车震whereheapologizedforhavinganaffair.PerdHapley第四频道目击者新闻PerdHapley,ChannelFourEyewitnessNews.为什么会有人想竞选公职Whydoesanybodywannarunforpublicoffice?简直是希望完全暴露自己的私生活You'rejustaskingtohaveyourentirelifeexposed.如果你坐怀不乱像我一样那就没问题Well,ifyou'resqueakyclean,likeIam,there,snoproblem.Tom你一个已婚人士还一天到晚和女人调情Tom,you'remarried,andyouhitonwomenconstantly.是的但我从来不越雷池只是观光Yeah,butI'veneversealedthedeal.Justwindow-shopping.飞去巴西但是不进洞对吧YoucanflytoBrazil,justdon'tenterthecave.AmIright?击掌Uptop!公园与游憩公园与游憩公园与游憩第2季第4集第2季第4集我肯定你觉得自己是干净的msurethatyouthinkthatyou,reclean,但我赌我们能从你身上找点东西butIbetthatwecouldfindsomethingonyou.我换了名字这是合法的Ichangedmyname,whichislegal,然后高中有一次在摔跤比赛中输给了女孩子andonceinhighschool,agirlbeatmeinawrestlingmatch.就这些了That'sit.我能在你们身上找到更见不得人的随便打赌IbetanythingIcouldfindworseStuffonallyouguys.你是在发起游戏吗Areyousuggestingagame?我加入-还有我min.-min.我就算了你没选择JeITymout.-Notanoption,Jerry.你完蛋You'regoingdown.不正经的我真的不想参与No,seriously,Ireallydon'twannaplay.不不正经的你得参与我们会打败你No,no.Seriously,youareplaying.We,regonnanailyou.我也加入Iwillplay,too,但只是为了证明我会在你们身上找到更多的脏事ifonlytoprovethatIcanfindmoredirtonyouthanyoucanonme.这就是我们玩的原因啊That'swhywe,reallplaying.你的桌子在那边呢Yourdeskisoverthere.我喜欢让人针锋相对的游戏Ilovegamesthatturnpeopleagainsteachother.你们绝对想不到我刚在Jerry的Facebook上发现了什么YouguyswillneverbelievewhatIjustfoundonJerry'sFacebook.一个好友伤到啦Afriend.Burn.好吧再说一次我真的不想玩Okay,again,dreallyrathernotplay.嘿大伙都在干嘛呢Hey,guys.Whatareyouguysdoing?我们在互挖对方的黑历史Tryingtoseewhohastheleastamountofdirtonthem看谁的少到能去竞选incasesomeonewantstorunforoffice.肯定不是Jerry了我确定Well,itain'tJerry.That'sforsure.什么What?嗯他身上有几个359随地小便Well,he'sgotacoupleof359sonhim.Publicurination.我不喜欢这个游戏真的不喜欢Idon'tlikethisgame.Ijustdon'tlikeit.他估计被气到去院子里尿rHe'sprobablygonnagoanger-peeinthecourtyard.你们这帮公园疯子我走了Well,youcrazyparkpeople,moutofhere.1.eslie我们明天见1.eslie,I1seeyoutomorrow.明天是我们的Tomorrow,willbeour第一次正式首次约会firstofficial.Firstdate.收到Rogerthat.收到通话完毕Copy.Overandout.Dave和我明天第一次约会DaveandIaregoingonourfirstdatetomorrow.我不紧张mnotnervous.我为什么要紧张呢WhyshouldIbenervous?我们就是两个首次约会的人而已We'rejusttwopeoplegoingonafirstdate.没什么需要紧张的There'snothingtobenervousabout.那是我的手♥机♥Thatwasmyphone.嘿-嘿你好啊Hey.-Hey.Hithere.你在你来这里干什么Whatareyou.Whatareyoudoinghere?就来和LeSlie吃个饭你要去哪JusthavinglunchwithLeslie.Whatareyouupto?哦我在寻找我同事的丑闻Oh,mlookingforscandalousinformationaboutmyco-workers,这是个游戏foragamethatwe,replaying.我交的税付你的工资对吧Mytaxespayyoursalary,right?是的一棒哦Yeah.-Cool.然后他抬头看着我Andhelookedupatme,他说“谢谢你救了我的命"andhesaid,"Thankyou.Yousavedmylife."嗯听我说明天约会我真的很紧张Yeah.Hey,listen,mreallynervousaboutthisdatetomorrownight.你有类似第一次约会装我可以借用吗Doyouhave,like,afirstdateoutfitIcanborrow?比如我不知道工装裤之类的1.ike,Idon'tknow,apairofcargopants?要是我就不会穿工装裤Yeah,Iwouldn'tgowithacargopant.或者性感的帽子呢Whatabout,like,asexyhat?我甚至不知道那是什么意思Idon'tknowwhatthatevenis.已经帮上了Helpingalready.你今天下班之后就来一趟吧Doyouwannajustcomebyafterworktoday?好啊行今晚Sure.Yeah.Tonight?几个小时之后Severalhoursfromnow?或者你现在就过来Oryoucouldjustcomeovernow?我觉得更好Ithinkthatwouldbebetter.是的时间充足些我们走Yeah,thatwouldgiveusmoretime.Let'sgo.哦你们做什么呢Oh,whatyoudoing,guys?挖我的黑历史吗没用的1.ookingfordirtonme?Nopoint.放弃吧Giveupnow.哦等等这有个东西Oh,wait,there'sthis.各位我早上买♥♥了个牛角三明治Everybody,IboughtaCroissan1Wichthismorning.这都不是收据只是张纸Thisisn'tevenarealreceipt.Justascrapofpaper.塔♥利♥班♥袍子！Talibanrobes!什么What?哪搞到的照片Where'dyougetthatphotofrom?嘿Tom好漂亮的塔♥利♥班♥袍子Hey,Tom.NiceTalibanrobes.那些不是塔♥利♥班♥袍子Thosearen'tTalibanrobes.那是十年前的万圣节我扮成绝地武士That'sfromHalloween,10yearsago.IwasdressedlikeaJedi.我觉得选民们能分出区别的msurethatthevoterswouldbeabletotellthedifference.嗯看起来你就是塔♥利♥班♥成员Mmm,lookstomelikeyou'reintheTaliban.哦这样所有人都知道Ron的前妻TammyWell,dideverybodyknowthatRon'sex-wife,Tammy,实际上是他第二个叫Tammy的前妻吗isactuallyhissecondex-wifenamedTammy?是的Ron有两任前妻都叫TammyThat'sright.Ronhastwoex-wives,eachnamedTammy.两个都是姨♥子♥Bothofthembitches.是的我妈的名字也是TammyYes,mymom'snameisTammy.你什么意思Whafsyourpoint?Tom那是个高级秘密Tom,thatwasaJaeger-secret.你泄露了一个高级秘密Youjustbreacheda)aeger-secret.该死战火真是迅速升温啊Damn,thisjustheatedupquick!看看Ta-da!挺好看的-是么Thatlooksgreat.-Yeah?夫人您今天会把这件带走吗Willyoubewearingitoutofthestoretoday,madame?我想我可以好姑娘IthinkIwill,goodlady.时机正好我能问你个问题吗Hey,whileIhaveyou,canIaskyouaquestion?说Shoot.如果他问我是不是结过婚怎么办Whatifheasksmeifvebeenmarried?你结过-没Haveyou?-No.那就那么说啊Well,then,saythat.但他就会想我为什么没结过Butthenhe'llwonderwhyIhaven,tbeenmarried.你知道吗我要说我结过Youknowwhatmgonnado?mgonnasaythatIwasmarried.真正的问题是我要不要说我有孩子了Therealquestionis,shouldIsaythatIhavekids.男的喜欢有小孩的女人对吧Guyslikegirlsthathavekids,right?哇Whoa!苏丹地区长♥期♥存在地缘政♥治&hearts问题我要是喝醉了狂聊达尔富尔怎么办WhatifIgetdrunkandItalkaboutDarfurtoomuch?或者不够要是我没讲够达尔富尔呢Ornotenough?WhatifIdon'tbringupDarfurenough?1.eslie放松1.eslie,relax.好Yeah.行Okay?我还有几个问题AnnIjusthaveafewmorequestionsforyou,Ann.如果他有另一个女人同行怎么办Whatifheshowsupwithanotherwoman?如果我袖子起火了快速蔓延怎么办Whatifoneofmysleevescatchesonfireanditspreadsrapidly?如果我含的儿片不是薄荷糖而是安♥眠♥药♥WhatifinsteadofTicTacs,IaccidentallypopacoupleofAmbien必须全程捶腿保持清醒怎么办andIhavetokeeppunchingmylegtostayawake?这些都是疯狂的假设Thoseareallinsanehypotheticals.我保证都不会发生的AndIpromiseyoutheywon'thappen.都发生过Theyhavehappened.所有这些都在我身上发生过Allofthesehavehappenedtome.不还有No,there,smore.有一次我完整喝完了一瓶醋Onetime,Iaccidentallydrankanentirebottleofvinegar.我以为是劣质红酒1thoughtitwasterriblewine.有一次我约了个全程戴着3D眼镜的男的OnceIwentoutwithaguywhowore3Dglassestheentireevening.哦有一次我在一个男的摩托车的边车上Oh,onetimeIrodeinasidecaronaguy'smotorcycle,边车脱离了从楼梯上飞了下去andthesidecardetachedandwentdownaflightofstairs.还有一次我跟一男的看一场非常无聊的电影Anothertime,Iwenttoareallyboringmoviewithaguy,我睡着的时候他试着拔我的牙andwhileIwasasleep,hetriedtopulloutoneofmyteeth.我醒来的时候他的手还在我嘴里Iliterallywokeupwithhishandinmymouth.我们又出去过几次不过他变奇怪了Wewentoutacoupletimesafterthat,butthenhegotweird.我知道听起来莫名其妙我是个成年女性Iknowitsoundscrazy,magrownwoman,但我真的不擅长初次约会butIamjustnotgoodonfirstdates.哦好吧好吧Oh,okay.Okay.你有个问题这是我们的解决办法Youhaveaproblem,andthisishowwe,regonnafixit.我知道你在想啥Iknowwhatyou,rethinking.我戴个耳机你坐在附近桌子上Iwearanearpiece,yousitatatablenearby,对着麦讲话告诉我约会上说什么youspeakintoamic,youtellmewhattosayonthedate.但我告诉你Ann永远行不通Butletmetellyousomething,Ann,itneverworks.不不不我们去餐厅来个练习约会No,no,no.Wearegonnagotoarestaurantandhaveapracticedate.我假装DaVe你对着我练习IwillpretendtobeDave,andyouwillpracticeonme.这主意好多了That'sawaybetteridea.嘿Dave是我LeslieHey,Dave,it'sme.It,sLeslie.嗨LeSIie很高兴见到你-你好Hi,Leslie.It,sgoodtoseeyou.-Hi!你现在还不该这么做Youdon'twannadothatquiteyet.所以DaVeSo,Dave.我们开始对话吧1.et'sbeginourconversation.提示卡上写的啥What'sonthenotecards?可能的谈话上题They'repossibletopicsofconversation.鲸鱼游♥彳j♥电力Whales,parades,electricity.剩下是空的Andtherestareblank.我想不到其他的了Yeah,Wen,Icouldn'tthinkofanythingelse.1.eslie情况比我想象的更差1.eslie'sinworseshapethanIthought.她在练笑吗Isshepractice-laughing?哦Dave你啊Oh,Dave.you!丹麦人叫它"opognedapparat"TheDanishcallit"opognedapparat,字面翻译过来就是“上下机器”whichliterallytranslatedmeansthe"upanddownmachine."哇真是对跷跷板历史的全面介绍Wow,that'sathoroughhistoryoftheteeter-totter.现在我想说说Pawnee本地的动植物-够了NowmgonnatalkaboutthelocalfloraandfaunafoundinPawnee.-Okay.神奇的是.你知道吗就问我个问题What,samazing.-Youknowwhat?Justaskmeaquestion.试着了解我Justtrytogettoknowme.好Okay.我想不出任何问题抱歉大脑空白Ican'tthinkofanythingtoaskyou.msorry.Mymindisblank.就问我你想到的第一件事Justaskmethefirstthingthatcomestoyourhead.你那个有多大Howbigisit?认真的？-哦天啊Really?-Oh,myGod.嘿Tommy嗨Hey,Tommy.Hi.你好-准备好了吗Hey.-Areyouready?准备好了稍等一会儿Yes,Iam.Justgivemeonesecond.嘿Donna问你件事Hey,Donna.Letmeaskyousomething.你恨黑人吗Doyouhateblackpeople?你说什么Excuseme?因为显然1988年的时候'Cause,apparently,in1988,你在总统竞选中的捐款对象是DavidDuke!youdonatedmoneytothepresidentialcampaignforDavidDuke!三K党那个？TheKKKguy?我接到过电♥话♥他们说他会减税Igotaphonecall.Theysaidhewouldlowertaxes.哈Boom!惨败的感觉如何啊How'sitfeeltolosesohard?很抱歉亲爰的我们喝咖啡去msorry,honey.Let'sgetcoffee.Ree-Ron你记得我的夫人WendyHaverfordRee-Ron!Youremembermywife,WendyHaverford.当然-是你好Ofcourse.-Yeah,hi.医院情况如何Howarethingsatthehospital?非常好谢谢我刚刚拿到一笔儿科的外科基金Verygood,thankyou.Ijustgotapediatricsurgeryfellowship.很棒啊-我们在庆祝Nice.-We'recelebrating,因为她又有钱又有颜,causeshe'ssuperrichandsuperhotalso.好了走吧Tommy别说Okay.Comeon,Tommy.Cutitout.你就是超级漂亮其他人只能认栽You'resuperhot.Everybodyelsehastodealwithit.我们出门吧回见ROn1.et'sgetoutofhere.Seeyoulater,Ron.我建立了一个科学完善的十分制标准veestablishedascientificallyperfect10-pointscale评价人类相貌ofhumanbeauty.Wendy7.4分Wendyisa7.4,对Tom来说分数太高了他3.8whichiswaytoohighforTom,whoisa3.8.10分是网坛传奇SteffiGrafTenistennislegendSteffiGraf.嗨DaveHi,Dave.你迟到了而且你裙子凸点了You'relate.AndIcanseeyournipplesthroughyourdress.什么不真的What?No.Really?在护士学校里我们有一种针对恐惧症的心理课程Innursingschool,wetookapsychcourseonhowtotreatphobias使用所谓的“暴露疗法”withamethodcalled"exposuretherapy."比如你要是怕蛇So,like,ifyouwereafraidofsnakes,就把你丢到蛇池子里去theywouldimmerseyouinatankofsnakes.所以我要把Leslie丢到烂约会池子里So,IamgoingtoimmerseLeslieinatankofbaddate.你迟到20分钟了我差点走了You're20minuteslate,Ialmostleft.好吧Okay.天啊我去接我侄子了God!-Well,Iwasdroppingmynieceoff.你侄子叫什么What'syourniece'sname?TorpleTorple.什么我不知道What?1don'tknow.那不是个名字我没有侄子That'snotaname.Idon'thaveaniece.我侄子的名字是Stephanie-别撒谎了Myniece'snameisStephanie.-Stoplying.嘿看有面包来点吗哦不Hey,look.There'sbread.Youwantsome?Oh,no!我把花掉你汤里了不好意思-哦不是吧Igotflowersinyoursoup.msosorry.-Ohcomeon!就我就去下呼啸山庄Just.Ihavetogotothewhizpalace.你知道的Dave那个你Youknow,Dave,theplacewhereyou.你知道那个厕所东西Youknow,thetoiletthing.卫生间叫卫生间It,sabathroom!It'scalledabathroom!嘿MarkHey,Mark.一只小鸟跟我说你有张未付款的停车罚单Alittlebirdietoldmethatyouhaveoneunpaidparkingticket.有意思因为一只小鸟跟我说Well,that'sfunny,becausealittlebirdietoldme你的养母因为持有大♥麻♥被捕了thatyouradoptivemotherwasarrestedformarijuanapossession.哦我靠Oh,snap!什么What?你不知道啊Youdidn'tknowthat,huh?我不知道我是领养的1didn'tknowIwasadopted.哦不哦Jerry哦Jerry我太抱歉了Oh,no.Oh,Jerry.Oh,Jerry.msosorry.我真的没想玩-你Ireallydidn'twannaplay.-You.那不是我本意Thatwasnotmyintention.不是你的错他拿停车罚单逗你来着It,snotyourfault.Hetotallybaitedyouwiththatunpaidparkingticket.Tom来我办公室一下吧Tom,couldyoucomeintomyoffice?番茄鸡蛋TomTom-atosauce.Ron塔那摩湾Ron-tonamoBay.请入座然后祝贺我Dobeseatedandcongratulateme.祝贺什么Forwhat?赢得游戏Winningthegame.在一些印象深刻的调查后我发现Ijustfoundout,throughsomeprettyimpressiveinvestigating,你的婚礼是骗局是绿卡婚姻thatyourweddingwasasham.It'sagreencardmarriage.你疯吧我是南卡州人这肤色骗不了人宝贝That'scrazy.IwasborninSouthCarolina.Thesecolorsdon'trun,baby.是的但是Wendy出生于渥太华加拿大！Yes,butWendywasborninOttawa,Canada.她的签证在你结婚第二天过期Hervisawassettoexpirethedayafteryougotmarried婚礼在县法♥院♥三个陌生人出席没有家人atthecountycourthouseinfrontofthreestrangersandnofamily.好吧我们在大学认识的Okay.Wemetincollege.她想在美国工作但拿不到许可ShewantedtoworkintheStates,shecouldn'tgetapermit.我就知道我知道你不可能娶到那么漂亮的老婆Iknewit.Iknewyoucouldn'tgetawifeashotasher.认真的Ron游戏不说这个秘密只能我俩知道Seriously,Ron.Gamesaside,yougottakeepthisbetweenus.请别告诉其他人Don'ttellanybody,please.放心别担心我不会告发你的Now,comeon.Don'tworry.mnotgonnaturnyouin.只需承认在挖丑闻的这个游戏里Justadmitthatwhenitcomestodiggingupdirt,我打败你了说吧说“我打败你了”Ibestedyouinthisgame.Sayit.Say,"Ibestedyou.好你打败我了行了吧Fine.Youbestedme.Isthatall?不我今晚要享用你老婆No.llhaveyourwifetonight.你说什么What?我开玩笑的滚出去吧mjustkidding.Getoutofhere.你为什么这么说Dave?那条狗是我最好的朋友Whywouldyousaythat,Dave?Thatdogwas,like,mybestfriend.她死的时候是我Andwhenshedied,itwasoneof.铃铃铃铃铃Bring,bring,bring,bring,bring.嘿TiffanyHey,Tiffany.啊我今晚当然想见你Yeah,Idefinitelywannaseeyoutonight.不我现在聊不了No,Ican'treallytalkrightnow,我在跟这个无聊人士约会呢'causemonadatewiththisdrip.行我问她Yeah,Icanask.嘿你约会后愿意跟我和我老婆一起看个黄♥片♥不Hey,doyouwannawatchapornoafterthiswithmeandmywife?不Dave因为你很恶心No,Dave.'Causeyou'redisgusting.所以绝对不行咯So,it,sdefinitelyano?我不理解你为什么这么混♥蛋♥Idon'tunderstandwhyyou'rebeingsoterrible.我们只是两个出来约会的人We'rejusttwopeopletryingtogoonadate.本来应该是很开心的就是个约会而已It'ssupposedtobefun.It,sjustadate.你说得对确实是干得好You'reright,itis.Welldone.抱歉用了这么多招式SorryIhadtogetallmedicalonyou.但你也看到即使一切都搞砸你还是能活下来Butnowyouseethatevenifeverythinggoeswrong,you'llsurvive.哎呀哎呀哎呀Well,well,well.你个狡猾的混♥蛋♥Youcoybastard.MarkMark.Tom-你讨厌Ron对吧Tom.-YouhateRon,right?不我觉得Ron还好No.IthinkRonisfine.所以我们想法一样So,we'reonthesamepage.你得帮我扳倒他Yougottahelpmetakethisguydown.他身上肯定有什么There'sgottabesomethingonhim.Tom我开始觉得这个游戏有点恶心了Tom,mstartingtofeelkindofgrossaboutthisgame.已经不是游戏的问题rIt,snotaboutthegameanymore.Ron有点我很严重的黑料我得平衡一下Ronhassomeseriousdirtonme.Ineedtobalancethingsout.你肯定知道感觉如何你以前黑料那么多Youmustknowhowthatfeels,yougottonsofdirtinyourpast.拜托你得帮我Please,yougottahelpme.有个男士名叫银爵士ThereisamannamedDukeSilver.他出没于Eagleton的一个酒吧里HehangsoutatabarinEagleton.他是Ron的个老朋友没准你可以问问他He'sanoldfriendofRon's,maybeyoushouldaskhim.谢了我得挖出这个人的一大堆黑料Thanks,man.mgonnadigupsomuchdirtonthisguy,黑到他整个世界暗无天日there'sgonnabewormsallovertheplace.我脑子里听起来好一点-是Itsoundedsnappierinmyhead.-Yeah.Ann也太棒了Annissoawesome.我很幸运有个朋友mluckytohaveafriend能花一整天的时间对我这么刻薄whowouldspendawholedaybeingsomeantome.接住Catch.我不需要你的裙子了我穿我自己的东西1don'tneedyourdressanymore,mgonnawearmyownstuff.我力量Me-power.很好允许你去首次约会了Good.You'reofficiallyfirstdate-proof.谢谢DaveThankyou,Dave.听着他不可能不会喜欢你的1.isten,itisimpossiblethathe'snotgonnalikeyou.你厉害到会把他吓到的He,sgonnafreakoutabouthowawesomeyouare.不他不会No,he,snot.他会的他会爱死你的Yes,heis.He,sgonnaloveyou.你很酷很性